Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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