I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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