bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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