Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
