Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
