Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
