i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
