I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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