I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
