Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
