When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think people are normalizing furries
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
