I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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