I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
