Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
