You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
