Pappa wants mamma naked
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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