I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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