in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
