I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You smell like stripper and shame
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
