ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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