It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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