His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
