Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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