I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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