I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
