you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
