your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
