oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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