Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
