Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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