hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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