You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
