My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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