Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
