idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
