While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
