Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am midnight drunk by noon
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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