Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
