You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
