I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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