I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize