Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
