these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
