I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
