You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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