It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
