I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
