Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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