he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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