so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
