I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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