how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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