i barfeds in our rink
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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