So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
