Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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