Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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