I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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