just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
