the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
