he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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