yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
