i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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