I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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