Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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