He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
