Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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