i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize