I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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