"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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