you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
