does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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