We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize