9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I checked into jail on foursquare
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
