i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
