Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
