i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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