Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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