the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize