Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
