Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
