My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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