no, he came in my armpit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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