I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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