The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
