if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
