I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize