my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He passed out mid-signature
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
