btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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