Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize