I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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