the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
