When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
