i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
