You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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