Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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