even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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