Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
