dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
